countdown to new year

happy new year!

the dizziness factor

my middle brother tied the knot yesterday at 2pm Philippine time in a wedding replete of trimmings of a full entourage including an arrhae bearer. i couldn't sleep a few hours before or after that, i had the worst dizziness possible which made me snooze during daytime. my whole month is all about nausea and dizziness. i'm mostly horizontal and feeling sick (more about that later?).

i asked my youngest brother to take pictures and he said yes. aside from him, three of my cousins were part of the entourage; meg, cheche and jovelle (joseph). i don't know them well. i'm the oldest cousin from both sides of the family. they're like a generation behind, the internet, cellular phone generations.

i was trying to ring the youngest brother during the reception, it was out of the coverage area, in a hotel right at the center of Bacolod. i had coverage in nowheresville Oxford or Kent or Cambridgeshire during one of those Spurs weddings. hours after the celebration, my youngest brother e-mailed me that since he was the best man, he couldn't take photographs. not even from his table, not even at any time?

i was mulling over the fact that i should have asked our helper. she could have done me and my brother Butch a favor. i can't talk to tita Kay on the phone. maybe i should have widened my family net and include others i don't see anywhere growing up. or go home and organise a family reunion without the chutzpah, just full of humility? or loosen the purse strings a little and distribute a few gifts?

if only mommy is around.

advent calendars on display

regular Lego advent calendar



star wars Lego advent calendar

I'm totally hopeless in abstract reasoning examinations. Ditto with Lego parts and pieces. I couldn't connect the tiny dots. Kudos to the hubby for helping me out with the snowmobiles, yoda as Santa Claus and just about everything.

let's see

i don't feel well, nauseous as ever, bed bound, almost fainted from the smell of steaming rice. until now, i could still smell it. it's a horrible physical feeling. goodness, my olfactory system is on high drive at this very point. i can't decipher what my husband is cooking, simply too strong.

it's almost the day of the solstice, almost Christmas day. the dark days are almost over and i couldn't be happier. i couldn't attend any of those soirées, much less perform any useful task like our household ironing.

gtg, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

i like the house

death is a serious issue. taking care of a child is a serious issue. this is like three men and a baby but much darker. we go through predictable romcoms and montages, and life is hardly reflected in romcoms and montages.

the mansion, with the huge kitchen, what an American dream. both the towering protagonists have their great jobs. i particularly enjoy looking at the cakes and muffins.

discovery

the director is an enjoyable read.  this blog has been in existence for almost a year. i just recently read through the entries. i like the older blog as well, i re-read once in a while.

meanwhile, as i overthink

and lie in bed to quell the apparent queasiness, i struggle with bedsores, almost chest infection and the likes, then a feeling of inadequacy surfaces. this sense of underachievement never leaves us, it's always lurking behind the curtains. this essence of self being crushed by pity invites and fair weather friends should never affect our confidence. some people are just jerks, period.

with that notion, not in view of my Facebook news reels, is actually a good thing. not to take anything away from mark zuckerberg's invention, familiarity really breeds a lot of contempt. it's all about the pictures. blogs, with more than 240 characters, is nothing but a farfetched idea.

what's the point of reading?

nauseating week

the title is kind of literal. i've been nauseous the entire week. like today for instance, my bed is my sanctuary. i didn't particularly get up. it's better to have a rest.

now for some due realisations, finding friends, such a tricky thing to do. who are our real confidantes in the world? i'm planning on cutting a few Christmas presents and future birthday cards. it saves money and emotional investments.

looking at the bright side, if we're not invited to the wedding or birthday party, we don't have to procure gifts, that surely helps our piggy banks.

roosters

picture from more than three years ago.

be stress free

have to stay away from annoyances the next few months or perhaps forever. how to accomplish that, is draped in nothing but mystery. this is winter time for F sake. i can't stand the crowds in the lifts, the slow movements, the propensity for gossip, the cruel jibes from a few acquaintances, the childish scrawls, the hollow pursuit of competing with others, etc.

yes, not a lot of people have read desiderata.

this world is full of complications. what annoys me doesn't affect those who cherish certain things like i don't know, embracing the old clique.

halt at 22

supposed to write at least 25 posts for november.  but my flesh is too weak, my bum too lazy, my mind too shallow to even think.

learning how to sew

able to revisit this article from JZ.  reminds me of my desire to learn how to bake my very own pandan cake.  me, baking?  miracles do happen.

i also like to sew my own dress.  i've learned from high school home economics that a blouse or a dress has a much simpler patterns than creating a pair of trousers from scratch.  i'll  start with simple cross stitch. 

the holiday

i wasn't fond of traveling prior to this year.  the encumbrances of expenses, packing, getting lost in translation weren't delightful prospects for some ancient waif  from an unknown corner of this universe.  i don't know what changed, the trip to Spain?  the few days in Malta, maybe, where i wish i could have brought better clothing.

blazing on empty

i've hardly scribbled anything this month. it's December in a few hours. my mood is neither upbeat nor gloomy, maybe somewhere in between the two or whatever the shrieks and whispers in the horizons.

i'm clearly affected by the seasonal affective disorder. it's sad, sad, sad? i'm mostly weak in the flesh, i'd rather indulge in the comforts of pillows and sheets. i've recorded a lot of stuff on the telly but i can't bear to watch them. i don't have the time. i crave for a good conversation.

buzz kill

(sea trout grilled, saffron, pea and squid risotto, cress)

any one who knows me intimately is aware of my scorn and abhorrence of parties, especially a roomful of strangers. yes, some weddings and christenings are awkward.

i was plus one in the hubby's Christmas party Friday. a Christmas do in November is the most convenient time for the multi-disciplinary cluster, so the date was set. there was wine and three courses. i learned a lot from the event by just listening, hardly ever talking. there was merriment and laughter.

i wonder if we'll have a work  do.

there's another one during the weekend by TOPPERS. i look forward to the secret santini portion of the program.

for Ryan

 won't call it a leaving do. ryan moving to Norfolk may be news to some people, ry being the poster boy of all things fun. however as bo said, he's following his heart. ohh, sweet. it's just to catch a glimpse before he becomes an ex-Londoner.


yes, the bloggers Tuesday evening outnumbered the non-bloggers, which is the greatest thing in the entire world. we should all just write, period. my blogger friends are cool. the perversity of them being so few is beyond reason.

back to the sushi dinner, jeanette e. suggested hi sushi. just waited for the hubby (twitterer not blogger. twittow?) to say yes to the food. he doesn't like fish, fruits and desserts (goodness). tried to invite a few forces behind the clique, i didn't get a reply. aaah, bitchy issues. sssh for that.

but to ry, cheers! see you later. but read you always.

return to the fold

after a year of hiatus, my highly-articulate friend is back to her blogging digs. she's still the same, joy, relatable, a keen observer of people and pop culture. hope she continues to write and write.

in the company of others

we all have different definitions of fabulous people to spend our glorious time.  i'm mostly misery loves company.  there shouldn't be this, there shouldn't be that, or i will be just having a tortured time in hell.  but i don't throw that many tantrums despite the discomfort. be cool and calm, i whisper to my super boring ego. the sun will rise tomorrow as the annoying panache to a drivel, says.

bad company?  i'd rather read a book.

so what is bad company? persons who may or may not mean it, simply lacks kindness. as a word,  kind is broad and vastly-under-rated and contrary to most people's opinions, it's not too common.  hijacking  somebody's break with a know-it-all lecture is not being kind (but learned something highly-substantial). i'd rather be in the company of the understandable bitch.

another bad company is one i've written just in august. big hurray to the power of linking!

next is the lack of humility.  it could be interpreted in every angle known to the human race.


you just know when you're friends. duh? if only we all read the same books and indulge in the same humdrum undertakings, i'e. staying home and staring at the empty boxes of adidas trainers. that would be immense.

two paintings

i really love these paintings.

both are now in my possession.

thanks tita wan for the discounts.

thanks the hubby for buying them for me.

in this blog, we first glimpsed them  here  and here.

all i need to do is find the right frames.

peeves

--three pm sunset
--packed trains
--packed lifts
--vacuous conversations
--melted snow
--gaining weight
--fiery temperaments
--unanswered texts and e-mails

sigh, sigh

my blogress app still couldn't download the save posts.
grrr!
there's a solution out there somewhere in these vast universe and all other universes.

sleep in darkness

it's dark, it's not even four pm yet. behold the onset of winter.  there are chores waiting in earnest.  the life of the sublunary despondency.   i'm not quite yawning.

enjoying house now

it's way better without cuddy. the new team's dynamic is also a breath of fresh air.

a loss is a win, is a win

it was a frustrating pacquiao match. he wasn't sharp with his hooks and forgot to connect with precise combinations. his movements were lethargic. but he won. his detractors were like swearing in unison and posting those annoying emoticons in their forums.

boxing is the most brutal of sport, imagine being punched to the head. in a boxer's career, it only takes one dynamic punch, one mind-numbing knockout by the opponent, a reputation is ruined for eternity.

with this latest debacle, oops triumph, kudos are given to the diaspora in my hemisphere for waking up early to see the match, for my brother up north, driving to gingging's (it rhymes) at the wee hours, for the hubby staying crazily up all night, claiming he's mental.  yeah, right.  he does this every pacquiao match, he got to support to something of mine, he says. let's take his word for it.

spreading good cheers

our colleague elena retired on friday (food spread courtesy of diane). one person who can afford early convalescent, away from the stressors of people, heavy workloads and nags. i mentioned to her in passing to embrace technology, join twitter, activate her facebook, write a blog, do a podcast.  but email is  the extent of  her web fascination. she has other ideas, maybe not involving cross stitching or penning a novel.  it's mostly driving a car to someday navigate the enitre sarawak region in malaysia or something to that effect.  or merely just having dinner with friends every now and then.  where's the party?

rouse

i have to type this fast, as multi-dimensional blogging is not available in my phone.  the app is misbehaving.  let get this fixed during downtime.

at this very juncture, let's just reinvigorate and read.

and curse the factions and the mob.

back to page

mostly sleepy this week.  waking up short of midday is embarrassing. but what can i do?

another AFK

back to tetris basically.

reading.
contemplating.
procrastinating (aagh).

hide, seek, run down the stairs

was invited to sam's birthday gathering by his mom julie, she texted me the address and all. but with autumn darkness twisting my emotions (as if),  the hubby pleading exhaustion and with  supposed companion G having her own soiree for baby daughter, i begged off from jul's event.  hope jul's won't kill me next time she sees me in the changing room.

at G's, it's all of the same, i'm the only one invited from work (just by accidentally phoning her in the morning), almost every single guest were friends from kindergarten all the way to capping and pinning ceremonies.  that has been the case since the birth of first child, her son, three and a half years ago.  i have one of  G's female buddies, whom i've met several times on several milestone occasions, still asking my name, my presence, my marital status and if i've spawned any offsprings, again.  being a work colleague i guess, i see G more often than inquisitive childhood and school friend.  every time G and her hubby celebrate a do held at their abode (excluding the two christenings at the community center) during their son's first and second birthdays, and now baby daughter's first candle-blowing experience, i feel like crashing unto a tight-knit club. the kids, who are friendlier than the adults, run around the stairs like headless chicken. in fairness, G sat next to me the whole 10 minutes i was observed  sitting in a corner looking for updates on twitter and ryan's blog.

after penning the above paragraph,  i decided to backread on pieces i've composed  about parties and friends and found this, what i wrote after attending jen's do. navigate and meet new people? sure.

here's another one written in May, before jan joined us in blogger.

half and half

once of these days i will try to interview kids who grew up outside of RP, not necessarily multi-racial, just raised outside the pearl of the orient seas who had to go through a multi-lingual, multi-cultural environment, knowing that their parents or one of their parents had a kind of different upbringing. 

darren criss is half-filipino.  i hear him sing tony's song something's coming on glee, i feel goosebumps.  west side story is one of my favorite movies.  that's how camp and gay i am, babe and i mean my babe. criss' version is even better than jimmy bryant's, the voice singer of the film.

aside from making his broadway debut,  replacing daniel radcliffe in how to succeed in business without really trying for a limited run. darren criss now models for uniqlo, the brand that keeps me warm.


and as a word and adjective, with its resonance and timbre, i like convivial.

sibilance

can hear my hissing sounds. can hear my heart beating. was supposed to go shopping with car's. both of us fell asleep. no worries. let her bake the cake for her friend's birthday.

speaking of friends, was able to retrieve my shoulder bag from Honey, who had the good graces to collect it from John Lewis in Kingston. forgot my bag in the cafeteria at nearly closing time a day before my birthday in June, a day after Honey's birthday. she rang the establishment and picked it up because i don't live near the area. the contents were just reading matters for that day's train travel, for good grief  i'll just stare at the scenery the full half an hour. it took me four months to claim the bag including Honey and Roy's birthday present for me.

my Virginia Woolf book ( a room of one's own) was in the bag. i was halfway through the paperback, a few hundred pages of her chastising her era of women needing a room of one's own in order to write. i've scanned through easy two non-fiction since then, autobiographical accounts and essays, which not too-severely deflated my self-esteem. i have to polish my verbal skills.

then there's the drumbeats of primark, which a label-whore golden baldie frowns upon as if he's selected the best shags ever or wears prada all the time. boy bawang kicks ass, man.

pulling time

it's only autumn and i got sick, coughing and bed bound. my back ached and decubitus ulcers developed from a prolonged horizontal positon. i was weakened, both in flesh and spirit. let's leave this blank for a while and a few hours.

connect, disconnect

during my debilitated state, i was reading, re-reading blogs about Filipino films, recalling all the great movies of the past.  there were loads of wonderful pinoy classics from the 50's to the 80's.  the output became quite so-so in the 90's until now.  that's just me being set in my old ways.  it's not entirely mediocre, it just depends on one's afiliation.  there are loads of showbusiness practitioners in Philippine cinema today, whether they have the acting chops or not is debatable.  will their stars continue to shine for decades?  who knows what the future brings?  it depends on career strategy,  will they make mistakes or the right decisions.

to continue the high school trend since Easy A, let's tackle the pinoy movie genre. of all the pinoy plots and melodramas set in a high school, after all these years, i only like one movie. 14 going steady (1984) was created to produce a new bunch of regal babies after maricel, snooky etc.  janice de belen was the highest-billed star in this flick, deservedly so because all others were newcomers.  janice was flordeluna and i was an avid viewer of flordeluna.  i was ten when i watched this on my own probably in Holiday theatre beside City Hall where my mom worked.

directed by  joey gosiengfiao, set in a private high school.  janice (maita) is rich. gretchen (lualhati) is poor. nadia (bobby) is middle-class and going through puberty. lualhati pretends to be rich and wants to be like maita. the film is about courtship, raging hormones, formation of an identity and all the stuff a typical teenager grapple and confound with in their daily interactions. i like the school paper angle.  can't wait to watch this again.  too bad i don't have cinema one.

high school rush to cinema

as promised (this is a good sign, i don't usually follow up the promises in this blog, i'll backread soon and excavate the abandoned covenants), here are my top three hollywood high school flicks.

in chronological order:

Pretty in Pink (1986) even when i was a teenager i watched this over and over, in betamax. Andie seems like a smart, hardworking, good girl who just happens to be poor in hollywood standards.  i reckoned if that was destitute, then i was living a super deprived life, not having a room of my own and who wouldn't want to go out with a guy like Blane (eeww, rich people with their names)?  that's a BMW he's driving?  Andrew McCarthy  is so cute, i wished he'd never aged.  goes to show that beauty is  truly skin deep. or only ugly people say that?

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)


two actors -- Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger.
it's a literal adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew set in the paradise of  the young and the good looking and katherina and petruchio (patrick verona) are feisty but lovable characters.

Mean Girls (2004)
written by Tina Fey
this makes me sad.  Rachel MacAdams and Amanda Seyfried are currently Hollywood It Girls. while Lindsay Lohan is reduced to posing for Playboy, the nadir of all has-beens and looks decades older than her chronological age of 25. and she can act. truly act. and even sing. but her voice may have been ruined by inhaling nicotine, tar, even nasty carcinogens.  i'm not sure if looks can be revitalized, once ageing occurs, it's there to stay.

this film tackles cliques, in high school.  there's also the constant need to be liked and become popular thus be with the in-crowd.

runners-up -- Bring It On (2000)
Clueless (1995)

to quote, to tweet

Easy A's  Mr. Griffith (Thomas Haden Church) has this to say about Facebook status updates.

“I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought, but I can assure you they’re not all diamonds. 'Roman is having an okay day and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station.’ Raise the roof!”  (ignore the blatant product placement)

 
it's not only the generation twenty years younger than me.  it's mostly people who are mostly younger than me. i agree it's not all diamonds.  it's mostly to attract attention, with metaphors for "love me, define me."

the hubby enlisted me with twitter this october.  i only follow a few people  and i'm far from a pseudo-sleb, so mine is not a busy exchange.  i very seldom tweet, i mostly read other people's random discourses and usual moans.  the news stream keeps me sane during low points during the day.  julia stiles doesn't like to tweet. it's difficult with slebs because of authenticity.  meanwhile i'll read stepehn fry's take on twitter anew.

seeking decongestant

feel absolutely horrible today. i can still touch type. means i'm still breathing. but hardly. my husband gave me the cold. he's fine now, played 5-a side football, gone to work. i've noticed he was not coughing. i cough even during trivial, banal days. i'm coughing painfully now. my nose and throat blocked. i was once told by a reliable source that Filipinos have weaker lungs than other species hence the increased number of respiratory cases. or it's the air pollution causing the lungs to falter? i'm breathing the same air as the bloke who gave me flowers. or was i exposed to a more sinister atmosphere?

tattle

high school. the dimension of our youth that defies comprehension. a dry run for the rest of our lives, according to the writers who conceptualised Sue Sylvester.

 do high school movies set in golden America, the cornerstone of existence? that's another blog topic.  what are high school flicks and fluffs that left specific imprint in my adult life? another blog topic.

let's talk Easy A. Emma Stone is marvellous. i like her in Superbad, radiant and cool amid the insecure dudes.  i got a glimpse of The House Bunny,  where i tried to recall where i've seen her. oh yeah, Superbad. by the time Zombieland came out, i was like, oh yes Emma Stone.

three years after Superbad where she was a high school senior, here is miss Stone in another high school environment, breathing life and soul to a likeable teenage character, Olive Penderghast, enunciating witty one-liners full of big words for an adolescent. she not only triumphed over adversity via a webcast, we were hooked by her kindness to the bullied and the downtrodden.  her act could have spun more out of control.  but there's the handy internet to clear her name. very modern.

throat hurts

Parisian Steps

i'm feverish yet again. i was walking along the avenue this morning, feeling like hell's punishment in the cold. even in the comforts of a roof and walls, i can't seem to lower down my body heat. i feel weak. i wanna be well by tomorrow.

gridiron

maybe third's time a charm.
i've been trying to publish this post since yesterday and my blog press isn't working.

we had a few hours to spare with the NFL on Sunday. the game is quite different live than on telly. i rather like it on the small screen, the clock stoppages seem less annoying in the comfort of home. i particularly miss being entertained by the lively commentary as opposed to trying to decipher the cheerleaders from the nosebleed section.

awaiting pre-game

bears vs buccaneers
wembley stadium