e conteas a brand new year unfolds, some of my witty friends are contemplating in hibernation as marked by their facebook's walls. the needless bustle on the so-called middle-aged urges a withered spirit to discombobulate. if one is single, no matter how rich and successful the individual could be, his or her life is incomplete, or to some simpletons, a failure because of a lack of a romantic entanglement. if a person is dating, the macrocosm is all abuzz on the date of wedding bells. if a poor soul gets encumbered into marriage, his or her little corner of the universe would be rendered lamentable if there are no patters of tiny feet in his or her tiny abode. there would be a lot more squares to tick for one's category. but i'll mark a period on the last square as i've reached my stage. i have two white labeled carton boxes on top of our bookshelf containing my babies' ashes, the boy and the girl i was supposed to have, born lifeless, their heartbeats stopped beating by 20 weeks in utero. i know there are lot more cases of stillbirths around. i once asked, why i had to have two remorseful episodes? the tea room clique would offer their theories but not the help in toning down the temper and the stressors. but the truly nice ones prevail over the rest of the subjective few. although i'm still shattered (what a wimp!) whenever i see expecting colleagues on desk jobs, display their bumps to all and many, my heart goes out to those who struggle especially the soft-spoken, the helpful and the well-mannered who have also bled and lost.
Monday, January 05, 2009
shelf boxes
e conteas a brand new year unfolds, some of my witty friends are contemplating in hibernation as marked by their facebook's walls. the needless bustle on the so-called middle-aged urges a withered spirit to discombobulate. if one is single, no matter how rich and successful the individual could be, his or her life is incomplete, or to some simpletons, a failure because of a lack of a romantic entanglement. if a person is dating, the macrocosm is all abuzz on the date of wedding bells. if a poor soul gets encumbered into marriage, his or her little corner of the universe would be rendered lamentable if there are no patters of tiny feet in his or her tiny abode. there would be a lot more squares to tick for one's category. but i'll mark a period on the last square as i've reached my stage. i have two white labeled carton boxes on top of our bookshelf containing my babies' ashes, the boy and the girl i was supposed to have, born lifeless, their heartbeats stopped beating by 20 weeks in utero. i know there are lot more cases of stillbirths around. i once asked, why i had to have two remorseful episodes? the tea room clique would offer their theories but not the help in toning down the temper and the stressors. but the truly nice ones prevail over the rest of the subjective few. although i'm still shattered (what a wimp!) whenever i see expecting colleagues on desk jobs, display their bumps to all and many, my heart goes out to those who struggle especially the soft-spoken, the helpful and the well-mannered who have also bled and lost.
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2 comments:
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You said it.
I am going through some rough times myself. My nephews have both been diagnosed with autism. We're coping.
Only a few trust-worthy souls at work know. Most choose to believe I am the flighty singleton with the hipster lifestyle and the fashionista pockets. They make judgement calls based on my i-phone while I constantly fidget on my e-mails on edge for SOS messages from my sister or my parents.
Guess they feel ever so righteous to wish me a man who can rescue me from my empty existence. What fucking nonsense.
that is tough, joy. apologies for being so inadequate in expressing my reactions. i'll try to write.
shiv
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