calming the storm

triggered by anger and endless exasperations, my temper used to overwhelm the members of our household as a kid. my dark side consisted of flying objects. i once alienated a short-lived infatuation in one water tantrum moment and high school was never the same again. several years later, after my mom's stroke, i became subdued and got turned off by confrontations. or any raised voices for that matter, especially now at work. but there's this pull of libertad, that's the market for our food in my hometown niche. every seller especially in the fish section display his/her lung power in order to sell the wares, thus born the cliche of my school life.

now as i'm slowly inching closer to the scary age, i'm transformed into the calmer version of my old self. there are still the occasional frozen shoulders and the always present ramblings of profanities under my breath and times when i shake my head every moment shreks behave like reigning monarchs or uptight bitches. but i remain stoic and controlled, or become too serious, i don't lighten up even one bit. all hail then to letlet and others like her --- those hilarious streaks provoke every inch of smiles and laughter.

downtime in the nest

suffice to say winter is not my favorite season. i don't mind the cold. it's the enduring twilight that creeps me over. the yellow brick road is just not as enticing when its dark. so i'm seeking refuge in my confined space, not quite the ivory tower of reckoning, to engage in contemplation rather than grapple with the infinite housework. i can't find the book i'm planning to read for ages and i know i'm the slow dimwit these present times.

and i miss my folks, especially when i want advice about the brothers brigade. the buck stops with me now. i'm still hazy why the clouds are missing their silver linings. well-meaning spirits are narrating tales of european sojourns with their parents and that topic alone rips my marrows. i will always be hurting. but then my rents were larger than life. broad-spectrum conversations were the order of the day. we lived through the basics but it wasn't that bad. the books and the mags were there and that was more substantial than hollow laxuries. i'm still shattered with disease processes but they bite sharply in the ass.

fan post

i still like mel gibson. despite one drunken encounter with a cop. despite his tragic ageing process. despite jz's blog -- a piece that brought about this random rant out of nowhere. truly that doesn't make me anti-semite. i still find kerri russell, who's jewish, fascinating. i still think spielberg is bitching cool. i haven't even seen braveheart. although it's always a possibility i might do so in the future. i didn't even reckon i would turn a corner a few days ago and pressed the clicker on frasier again, exfoliating my daphne snobbery. why i haven't seen braveheart? well, william wallace didn't exactly lived forever. but i was basking in the shallows, thoroughly enjoying tequilla sunrise when i was fourteen, taking delight in the adventures of brett maverick when i was much older. if we google mel gibson today, he'll be forever linked with that unfortunate mugshot, or his other peccadilloes -- infidelity rumors, church donations, etc. we always expect our chosen slebs to be perfect. but as the tabloid culture exhibits, they are not.

tv time travel

the practice, the gripping legal drama which was the antecedent of boston legal, another david e. kelley production was once a guilty pleasure. it was a more serious approach and a simplier version of LA Law, on which kelley was the executive producer. whereas the steven bochco drama offered a lot of convolutions, the practice was more centered on legal ethics and criminal law. the cast was streamlined after the seventh season due to faltering ratings and budget cuts and eventually evolved into what is now boston legal, of which i haven't seen a single episode. but with the practice showing reruns on digital tv, i can't help but go back in time to relive the stimulating cases -- a podiatrist with a severed head in a bag, priests on trial for murder, a 13 year old boy pulling the trigger to kill his mother, etc. dylan mcdermott was excellent as bobby donnell, the show's central figure. charismatic and very good looking, the character could have used a proper sendoff. but barring thoughts of warrick brown, resolutions are not always so simple in tv land.

team aniston

i caught an episode of chelsea lately on E! recently, mocking jen aniston's barren state. i don't think life's that bad when you're in a cover of a leading glossy. some people are just more fortunate than others when it comes to producing offsprings. i should know.

from the lenses of the west

the year of living dangerously, directed by peter weir, has been a fixture on the TNT channel, now turner classic movies for decades. but it was only the other day that i got a peek in its entirety. although gazing at a much younger mel gibson (aussie accent and all) titillate our inhibitions, it was the marked squalor and poverty that floored my qualms and compunctions. the film, based on a novel by C.J. Koch, was released in 1982 and a collaboration between australia and MGM productions. the narrative followed gibson as guy hamilton an australian journalist covering indonesia circa 1965, during the overthrow of president sukarno. but it easily could have have been the philippines in the early 80's with nary an end to the marcos dictatorship. shot mostly in the philippines, bembol rocco co- starred alongside a flawless sigourney weaver and a brilliant linda hunt, who won an oscar. rocco as kumar is a pivotal role in the movie. kuh ledesma is tiger lily, the dark beauty with very few lines. you have domingo landicho, one of the finest filipino writers, screaming maawa na po kayo, huwag ninyo siyang saktan!(please have mercy, don't hurt him!). i always wonder when i read about this line in the twisted books if the producers were too complacent to research further on bahasa indonesia. after this film, hot mel did mad max beyond thunderdome, then hollywood and worldwide stardom was in his grasp.

i was easily touched by the marked penury and deprivation. the setting may be jakarta, but one could feel the essence of manila. i like to think that my country has gone forward. if indigence has not been totally eliminated, at least it has been culled. or i'm just dreaming again.

mobile stillness

it has been fun just reading and not blogging. i ran out of people and stuff to google, if ever that is possible. i was not interested in the US elections despite the news being all over the blogs and the papers. i was more into the stockmarket, the bank of england interest rates and the enviable bonuses at goldman sachs. i'm finishing up my christmas list and it's hard work trying to recall friends who were particularly nice to me the past year, despite arguments in the drug room over the reflective ennui of dean forrester. the character read hunter s. thompson in the first season and was relegated to marrying in haste and carpentry after that. would have i read fear and loathing in LV in high school? maybe if i had a dishy, dependable dean, not a rebellious jess or prank-playing logan to drool over.

scarred by the catastrophic effects of bad judgments, i'll be in flat confinement in the next few days, barring any phone calls, which seldom happens. i'll try some monica geller's impersonations, i never keep the nooks spic and span. with winter virtually here, the horizon is all dark twenty four seven but the streets are still filled with giddy uzis and incidental shoppers. i'll surf my tita wan's site for a few watercolor treats. she is flying home to bacolod in december in time for christmas reunion and an art exhibit. so if you have the time, check out her etsy page for some charming artworks.