yet, abstract?

i wasn't able to write on my mom's birthday on the ninth. i did plan to invigorate some sense into this page, yet i couldn't, i was throwing up like that David Walliams character on Little Britain. i've been looking at posters and synopses of old movies and i thought of mom. she could have answered all my queries. i was thinking about family trees and she's not here to lend her expertise or provide an opinion regarding personalities or issues of the day.

but hence our luck, four siblings, me and the three younger brothers. we're orphans scraping by our own counsel. we're all old now though. we observed, we should have learned.

at the mo, i'm very weak. the headaches are debilitating. the round the clock vomiting is painful. mom never used to suffer with anything resembling my symptoms. my husband's care is soothing but it's just the two of us. yesterday, i was craving for answers, to questions brought about by early morning phone calls from the hospital. i spoke to a few friends and my brother. they lived such cozy life, i couldn't seem to impose. i was left still seeking, staring at the light bulb.

to give thanks, to curse

the hubby is making me ensaymada (such a laborious process).  he doesn't eat Filipino delicacies.  however, he understands my cravings for the taste of home.  during christmas, i had some maja blanca and halo-halo (we don't have a blender, hint, hint for a handy gift for our birthdays in june).  but with food though, i can barely eat without throwing up my gastric contents. it's a hard life.  i have to be in bed as usual.  i can barely lift a finger, without feeling dizzy.

at least the yuletide season is over.  there are no more presents to distribute, parties to attend (not that i attended any parties), alcohol to smell. we had no click and smile ritual beside the christmas tree on the  25th. i love the presents. the london fireworks are magnificent on television.  my brother had his wedding, his bride has good manners. some girls from within their high-falluting perch, are bitchier than usual. not texting back? the greeting cards distributed are products of hard work, i could barely make it in the cold. i don't need the lukewarm reciprocity.  if one gets a message out of nowhere, isn't that wonderful?  my friend joy (another joy) from North Carolina, sent me a thoughtful family card,  just like last year.  i didn't send her anything.  not even a greeting in facebook.  i'm not even considered her BFF.  but there's depth in friendship somewhow.

fine,  if we can only relax in the beach at this junction.