freezejas in the stream

yet, abstract?

2012-01-14T17:51:00.001-08:00

i wasn't able to write on my mom's birthday on the ninth. i did plan to invigorate some sense into this page, yet i couldn't, i was throwing up like that David Walliams character on Little Britain. i've been looking at posters and synopses of old movies and i thought of mom. she could have answered all my queries. i was thinking about family trees and she's not here to lend her expertise or provide an opinion regarding personalities or issues of the day.

but hence our luck, four siblings, me and the three younger brothers. we're orphans scraping by our own counsel. we're all old now though. we observed, we should have learned.

at the mo, i'm very weak. the headaches are debilitating. the round the clock vomiting is painful. mom never used to suffer with anything resembling my symptoms. my husband's care is soothing but it's just the two of us. yesterday, i was craving for answers, to questions brought about by early morning phone calls from the hospital. i spoke to a few friends and my brother. they lived such cozy life, i couldn't seem to impose. i was left still seeking, staring at the light bulb.

to give thanks, to curse

2012-01-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

the hubby is making me ensaymada (such a laborious process). he doesn't eat Filipino delicacies. however, he understands my cravings for the taste of home. during christmas, i had some maja blanca and halo-halo (we don't have a blender, hint, hint for a handy gift for our birthdays in june). but with food though, i can barely eat without throwing up my gastric contents. it's a hard life. i have to be in bed as usual. i can barely lift a finger, without feeling dizzy.

at least the yuletide season is over. there are no more presents to distribute, parties to attend (not that i attended any parties), alcohol to smell. we had no click and smile ritual beside the christmas tree on the 25th. i love the presents. the london fireworks are magnificent on television. my brother had his wedding, his bride has good manners. some girls from within their high-falluting perch, are bitchier than usual. not texting back? the greeting cards distributed are products of hard work, i could barely make it in the cold. i don't need the lukewarm reciprocity. if one gets a message out of nowhere, isn't that wonderful? my friend joy (another joy) from North Carolina, sent me a thoughtful family card, just like last year. i didn't send her anything. not even a greeting in facebook. i'm not even considered her BFF. but there's depth in friendship somewhow.

fine, if we can only relax in the beach at this junction.

countdown to new year

2011-12-31T16:01:00.001-08:00

happy new year!

the dizziness factor

2011-12-31T02:48:00.001-08:00

my middle brother tied the knot yesterday at 2pm Philippine time in a wedding replete of trimmings of a full entourage including an arrhae bearer. i couldn't sleep a few hours before or after that, i had the worst dizziness possible which made me snooze during daytime. my whole month is all about nausea and dizziness. i'm mostly horizontal and feeling sick (more about that later?).

i asked my youngest brother to take pictures and he said yes. aside from him, three of my cousins were part of the entourage; meg, cheche and jovelle (joseph). i don't know them well. i'm the oldest cousin from both sides of the family. they're like a generation behind, the internet, cellular phone generations.

i was trying to ring the youngest brother during the reception, it was out of the coverage area, in a hotel right at the center of Bacolod. i had coverage in nowheresville Oxford or Kent or Cambridgeshire during one of those Spurs weddings. hours after the celebration, my youngest brother e-mailed me that since he was the best man, he couldn't take photographs. not even from his table, not even at any time?

i was mulling over the fact that i should have asked our helper. she could have done me and my brother Butch a favor. i can't talk to tita Kay on the phone. maybe i should have widened my family net and include others i don't see anywhere growing up. or go home and organise a family reunion without the chutzpah, just full of humility? or loosen the purse strings a little and distribute a few gifts?

if only mommy is around.

advent calendars on display

2011-12-27T02:45:00.001-08:00

regular Lego advent calendar

star wars Lego advent calendar

I'm totally hopeless in abstract reasoning examinations. Ditto with Lego parts and pieces. I couldn't connect the tiny dots. Kudos to the hubby for helping me out with the snowmobiles, yoda as Santa Claus and just about everything.

let's see

2011-12-19T11:30:00.001-08:00

i don't feel well, nauseous as ever, bed bound, almost fainted from the smell of steaming rice. until now, i could still smell it. it's a horrible physical feeling. goodness, my olfactory system is on high drive at this very point. i can't decipher what my husband is cooking, simply too strong.

it's almost the day of the solstice, almost Christmas day. the dark days are almost over and i couldn't be happier. i couldn't attend any of those soirées, much less perform any useful task like our household ironing.

gtg, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

i like the house

2011-12-15T11:24:00.001-08:00

death is a serious issue. taking care of a child is a serious issue. this is like three men and a baby but much darker. we go through predictable romcoms and montages, and life is hardly reflected in romcoms and montages.

the mansion, with the huge kitchen, what an American dream. both the towering protagonists have their great jobs. i particularly enjoy looking at the cakes and muffins.

discovery

2011-12-13T06:40:00.001-08:00

the director is an enjoyable read. this blog has been in existence for almost a year. i just recently read through the entries. i like the older blog as well, i re-read once in a while.

meanwhile, as i overthink

2011-12-10T09:40:00.001-08:00

and lie in bed to quell the apparent queasiness, i struggle with bedsores, almost chest infection and the likes, then a feeling of inadequacy surfaces. this sense of underachievement never leaves us, it's always lurking behind the curtains. this essence of self being crushed by pity invites and fair weather friends should never affect our confidence. some people are just jerks, period.

with that notion, not in view of my Facebook news reels, is actually a good thing. not to take anything away from mark zuckerberg's invention, familiarity really breeds a lot of contempt. it's all about the pictures. blogs, with more than 240 characters, is nothing but a farfetched idea.

what's the point of reading?

nauseating week

2011-12-08T10:46:00.001-08:00

the title is kind of literal. i've been nauseous the entire week. like today for instance, my bed is my sanctuary. i didn't particularly get up. it's better to have a rest.

now for some due realisations, finding friends, such a tricky thing to do. who are our real confidantes in the world? i'm planning on cutting a few Christmas presents and future birthday cards. it saves money and emotional investments.

looking at the bright side, if we're not invited to the wedding or birthday party, we don't have to procure gifts, that surely helps our piggy banks.

roosters

2011-12-03T02:11:00.001-08:00

picture from more than three years ago.

be stress free

2011-12-03T01:56:00.001-08:00

have to stay away from annoyances the next few months or perhaps forever. how to accomplish that, is draped in nothing but mystery. this is winter time for F sake. i can't stand the crowds in the lifts, the slow movements, the propensity for gossip, the cruel jibes from a few acquaintances, the childish scrawls, the hollow pursuit of competing with others, etc.

yes, not a lot of people have read desiderata.

this world is full of complications. what annoys me doesn't affect those who cherish certain things like i don't know, embracing the old clique.

halt at 22

2011-11-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

supposed to write at least 25 posts for november. but my flesh is too weak, my bum too lazy, my mind too shallow to even think.

learning how to sew

2011-11-30T19:00:00.000-08:00

able to revisit this article from JZ. reminds me of my desire to learn how to bake my very own pandan cake. me, baking? miracles do happen.

i also like to sew my own dress. i've learned from high school home economics that a blouse or a dress has a much simpler patterns than creating a pair of trousers from scratch. i'll start with simple cross stitch.

the holiday

2011-11-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

i wasn't fond of traveling prior to this year. the encumbrances of expenses, packing, getting lost in translation weren't delightful prospects for some ancient waif from an unknown corner of this universe. i don't know what changed, the trip to Spain? the few days in Malta, maybe, where i wish i could have brought better clothing.

blazing on empty

2011-11-30T13:49:00.001-08:00

i've hardly scribbled anything this month. it's December in a few hours. my mood is neither upbeat nor gloomy, maybe somewhere in between the two or whatever the shrieks and whispers in the horizons.

i'm clearly affected by the seasonal affective disorder. it's sad, sad, sad? i'm mostly weak in the flesh, i'd rather indulge in the comforts of pillows and sheets. i've recorded a lot of stuff on the telly but i can't bear to watch them. i don't have the time. i crave for a good conversation.

buzz kill

2011-11-27T20:32:00.001-08:00

(sea trout grilled, saffron, pea and squid risotto, cress)

any one who knows me intimately is aware of my scorn and abhorrence of parties, especially a roomful of strangers. yes, some weddings and christenings are awkward.

i was plus one in the hubby's Christmas party Friday. a Christmas do in November is the most convenient time for the multi-disciplinary cluster, so the date was set. there was wine and three courses. i learned a lot from the event by just listening, hardly ever talking. there was merriment and laughter.

i wonder if we'll have a work do.

there's another one during the weekend by TOPPERS. i look forward to the secret santini portion of the program.

for Ryan

2011-11-25T11:30:00.001-08:00

won't call it a leaving do. ryan moving to Norfolk may be news to some people, ry being the poster boy of all things fun. however as bo said, he's following his heart. ohh, sweet. it's just to catch a glimpse before he becomes an ex-Londoner.

yes, the bloggers Tuesday evening outnumbered the non-bloggers, which is the greatest thing in the entire world. we should all just write, period. my blogger friends are cool. the perversity of them being so few is beyond reason.

back to the sushi dinner, jeanette e. suggested hi sushi. just waited for the hubby (twitterer not blogger. twittow?) to say yes to the food. he doesn't like fish, fruits and desserts (goodness). tried to invite a few forces behind the clique, i didn't get a reply. aaah, bitchy issues. sssh for that.

but to ry, cheers! see you later. but read you always.

return to the fold

2011-11-22T14:25:00.001-08:00

after a year of hiatus, my highly-articulate friend is back to her blogging digs. she's still the same, joy, relatable, a keen observer of people and pop culture. hope she continues to write and write.

in the company of others

2011-11-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

we all have different definitions of fabulous people to spend our glorious time. i'm mostly misery loves company. there shouldn't be this, there shouldn't be that, or i will be just having a tortured time in hell. but i don't throw that many tantrums despite the discomfort. be cool and calm, i whisper to my super boring ego. the sun will rise tomorrow as the annoying panache to a drivel, says.

bad company? i'd rather read a book.

so what is bad company? persons who may or may not mean it, simply lacks kindness. as a word, kind is broad and vastly-under-rated and contrary to most people's opinions, it's not too common. hijacking somebody's break with a know-it-all lecture is not being kind (but learned something highly-substantial). i'd rather be in the company of the understandable bitch.

another bad company is one i've written just in august. big hurray to the power of linking!

next is the lack of humility. it could be interpreted in every angle known to the human race.

you just know when you're friends. duh? if only we all read the same books and indulge in the same humdrum undertakings, i'e. staying home and staring at the empty boxes of adidas trainers. that would be immense.

two paintings

2011-11-17T14:46:00.000-08:00

i really love these paintings.

both are now in my possession.

thanks tita wan for the discounts.

thanks the hubby for buying them for me.

in this blog, we first glimpsed them here and here.

all i need to do is find the right frames.

peeves

2011-11-17T05:04:00.001-08:00

--three pm sunset
--packed trains
--packed lifts
--vacuous conversations
--melted snow
--gaining weight
--fiery temperaments
--unanswered texts and e-mails

sigh, sigh

2011-11-16T07:18:00.001-08:00

my blogress app still couldn't download the save posts.
grrr!
there's a solution out there somewhere in these vast universe and all other universes.

sleep in darkness

2011-11-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

it's dark, it's not even four pm yet. behold the onset of winter. there are chores waiting in earnest. the life of the sublunary despondency. i'm not quite yawning.

enjoying house now

2011-11-14T07:35:00.001-08:00

it's way better without cuddy. the new team's dynamic is also a breath of fresh air.

a loss is a win, is a win

2011-11-13T08:07:00.001-08:00

it was a frustrating pacquiao match. he wasn't sharp with his hooks and forgot to connect with precise combinations. his movements were lethargic. but he won. his detractors were like swearing in unison and posting those annoying emoticons in their forums.

boxing is the most brutal of sport, imagine being punched to the head. in a boxer's career, it only takes one dynamic punch, one mind-numbing knockout by the opponent, a reputation is ruined for eternity.

with this latest debacle, oops triumph, kudos are given to the diaspora in my hemisphere for waking up early to see the match, for my brother up north, driving to gingging's (it rhymes) at the wee hours, for the hubby staying crazily up all night, claiming he's mental. yeah, right. he does this every pacquiao match, he got to support to something of mine, he says. let's take his word for it.

spreading good cheers

2011-11-12T23:54:00.001-08:00

our colleague elena retired on friday (food spread courtesy of diane). one person who can afford early convalescent, away from the stressors of people, heavy workloads and nags. i mentioned to her in passing to embrace technology, join twitter, activate her facebook, write a blog, do a podcast. but email is the extent of her web fascination. she has other ideas, maybe not involving cross stitching or penning a novel. it's mostly driving a car to someday navigate the enitre sarawak region in malaysia or something to that effect. or merely just having dinner with friends every now and then. where's the party?

rouse

2011-11-10T15:44:00.001-08:00

i have to type this fast, as multi-dimensional blogging is not available in my phone. the app is misbehaving. let get this fixed during downtime.

at this very juncture, let's just reinvigorate and read.

and curse the factions and the mob.

back to page

2011-11-10T15:13:00.001-08:00

mostly sleepy this week. waking up short of midday is embarrassing. but what can i do?

another AFK

2011-11-07T23:47:00.001-08:00

back to tetris basically.

reading.
contemplating.
procrastinating (aagh).

hide, seek, run down the stairs

2011-11-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

was invited to sam's birthday gathering by his mom julie, she texted me the address and all. but with autumn darkness twisting my emotions (as if), the hubby pleading exhaustion and with supposed companion G having her own soiree for baby daughter, i begged off from jul's event. hope jul's won't kill me next time she sees me in the changing room.

at G's, it's all of the same, i'm the only one invited from work (just by accidentally phoning her in the morning), almost every single guest were friends from kindergarten all the way to capping and pinning ceremonies. that has been the case since the birth of first child, her son, three and a half years ago. i have one of G's female buddies, whom i've met several times on several milestone occasions, still asking my name, my presence, my marital status and if i've spawned any offsprings, again. being a work colleague i guess, i see G more often than inquisitive childhood and school friend. every time G and her hubby celebrate a do held at their abode (excluding the two christenings at the community center) during their son's first and second birthdays, and now baby daughter's first candle-blowing experience, i feel like crashing unto a tight-knit club. the kids, who are friendlier than the adults, run around the stairs like headless chicken. in fairness, G sat next to me the whole 10 minutes i was observed sitting in a corner looking for updates on twitter and ryan's blog.

after penning the above paragraph, i decided to backread on pieces i've composed about parties and friends and found this, what i wrote after attending jen's do. navigate and meet new people? sure.

here's another one written in May, before jan joined us in blogger.

half and half

2011-11-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

once of these days i will try to interview kids who grew up outside of RP, not necessarily multi-racial, just raised outside the pearl of the orient seas who had to go through a multi-lingual, multi-cultural environment, knowing that their parents or one of their parents had a kind of different upbringing.

darren criss is half-filipino. i hear him sing tony's song something's coming on glee, i feel goosebumps. west side story is one of my favorite movies. that's how camp and gay i am, babe and i mean my babe. criss' version is even better than jimmy bryant's, the voice singer of the film.

aside from making his broadway debut, replacing daniel radcliffe in how to succeed in business without really trying for a limited run. darren criss now models for uniqlo, the brand that keeps me warm.

and as a word and adjective, with its resonance and timbre, i like convivial.

sibilance

2011-11-04T12:24:00.001-07:00

can hear my hissing sounds. can hear my heart beating. was supposed to go shopping with car's. both of us fell asleep. no worries. let her bake the cake for her friend's birthday.

speaking of friends, was able to retrieve my shoulder bag from Honey, who had the good graces to collect it from John Lewis in Kingston. forgot my bag in the cafeteria at nearly closing time a day before my birthday in June, a day after Honey's birthday. she rang the establishment and picked it up because i don't live near the area. the contents were just reading matters for that day's train travel, for good grief i'll just stare at the scenery the full half an hour. it took me four months to claim the bag including Honey and Roy's birthday present for me.

my Virginia Woolf book ( a room of one's own) was in the bag. i was halfway through the paperback, a few hundred pages of her chastising her era of women needing a room of one's own in order to write. i've scanned through easy two non-fiction since then, autobiographical accounts and essays, which not too-severely deflated my self-esteem. i have to polish my verbal skills.

then there's the drumbeats of primark, which a label-whore golden baldie frowns upon as if he's selected the best shags ever or wears prada all the time. boy bawang kicks ass, man.

pulling time

2011-11-03T17:56:00.001-07:00

it's only autumn and i got sick, coughing and bed bound. my back ached and decubitus ulcers developed from a prolonged horizontal positon. i was weakened, both in flesh and spirit. let's leave this blank for a while and a few hours.

connect, disconnect

2011-10-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

during my debilitated state, i was reading, re-reading blogs about Filipino films, recalling all the great movies of the past. there were loads of wonderful pinoy classics from the 50's to the 80's. the output became quite so-so in the 90's until now. that's just me being set in my old ways. it's not entirely mediocre, it just depends on one's afiliation. there are loads of showbusiness practitioners in Philippine cinema today, whether they have the acting chops or not is debatable. will their stars continue to shine for decades? who knows what the future brings? it depends on career strategy, will they make mistakes or the right decisions.

to continue the high school trend since Easy A, let's tackle the pinoy movie genre. of all the pinoy plots and melodramas set in a high school, after all these years, i only like one movie. 14 going steady (1984) was created to produce a new bunch of regal babies after maricel, snooky etc. janice de belen was the highest-billed star in this flick, deservedly so because all others were newcomers. janice was flordeluna and i was an avid viewer of flordeluna. i was ten when i watched this on my own probably in Holiday theatre beside City Hall where my mom worked.

directed by joey gosiengfiao, set in a private high school. janice (maita) is rich. gretchen (lualhati) is poor. nadia (bobby) is middle-class and going through puberty. lualhati pretends to be rich and wants to be like maita. the film is about courtship, raging hormones, formation of an identity and all the stuff a typical teenager grapple and confound with in their daily interactions. i like the school paper angle. can't wait to watch this again. too bad i don't have cinema one.

high school rush to cinema

2011-10-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

as promised (this is a good sign, i don't usually follow up the promises in this blog, i'll backread soon and excavate the abandoned covenants), here are my top three hollywood high school flicks.

in chronological order:

Pretty in Pink (1986) even when i was a teenager i watched this over and over, in betamax. Andie seems like a smart, hardworking, good girl who just happens to be poor in hollywood standards. i reckoned if that was destitute, then i was living a super deprived life, not having a room of my own and who wouldn't want to go out with a guy like Blane (eeww, rich people with their names)? that's a BMW he's driving? Andrew McCarthy is so cute, i wished he'd never aged. goes to show that beauty is truly skin deep. or only ugly people say that?

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

two actors -- Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger.
it's a literal adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew set in the paradise of the young and the good looking and katherina and petruchio (patrick verona) are feisty but lovable characters.

Mean Girls (2004)
written by Tina Fey
this makes me sad. Rachel MacAdams and Amanda Seyfried are currently Hollywood It Girls. while Lindsay Lohan is reduced to posing for Playboy, the nadir of all has-beens and looks decades older than her chronological age of 25. and she can act. truly act. and even sing. but her voice may have been ruined by inhaling nicotine, tar, even nasty carcinogens. i'm not sure if looks can be revitalized, once ageing occurs, it's there to stay.

this film tackles cliques, in high school. there's also the constant need to be liked and become popular thus be with the in-crowd.

runners-up -- Bring It On (2000)
Clueless (1995)

to quote, to tweet

2011-10-28T15:52:00.000-07:00

Easy A's Mr. Griffith (Thomas Haden Church) has this to say about Facebook status updates.

“I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought, but I can assure you they’re not all diamonds. 'Roman is having an okay day and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station.’ Raise the roof!” (ignore the blatant product placement)

it's not only the generation twenty years younger than me. it's mostly people who are mostly younger than me. i agree it's not all diamonds. it's mostly to attract attention, with metaphors for "love me, define me."

the hubby enlisted me with twitter this october. i only follow a few people and i'm far from a pseudo-sleb, so mine is not a busy exchange. i very seldom tweet, i mostly read other people's random discourses and usual moans. the news stream keeps me sane during low points during the day. julia stiles doesn't like to tweet. it's difficult with slebs because of authenticity. meanwhile i'll read stepehn fry's take on twitter anew.

seeking decongestant

2011-10-27T11:28:00.001-07:00

feel absolutely horrible today. i can still touch type. means i'm still breathing. but hardly. my husband gave me the cold. he's fine now, played 5-a side football, gone to work. i've noticed he was not coughing. i cough even during trivial, banal days. i'm coughing painfully now. my nose and throat blocked. i was once told by a reliable source that Filipinos have weaker lungs than other species hence the increased number of respiratory cases. or it's the air pollution causing the lungs to falter? i'm breathing the same air as the bloke who gave me flowers. or was i exposed to a more sinister atmosphere?

tattle

2011-10-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

high school. the dimension of our youth that defies comprehension. a dry run for the rest of our lives, according to the writers who conceptualised Sue Sylvester.

do high school movies set in golden America, the cornerstone of existence? that's another blog topic. what are high school flicks and fluffs that left specific imprint in my adult life? another blog topic.

let's talk Easy A. Emma Stone is marvellous. i like her in Superbad, radiant and cool amid the insecure dudes. i got a glimpse of The House Bunny, where i tried to recall where i've seen her. oh yeah, Superbad. by the time Zombieland came out, i was like, oh yes Emma Stone.

three years after Superbad where she was a high school senior, here is miss Stone in another high school environment, breathing life and soul to a likeable teenage character, Olive Penderghast, enunciating witty one-liners full of big words for an adolescent. she not only triumphed over adversity via a webcast, we were hooked by her kindness to the bullied and the downtrodden. her act could have spun more out of control. but there's the handy internet to clear her name. very modern.

throat hurts

2011-10-26T12:38:00.001-07:00

Parisian Steps

i'm feverish yet again. i was walking along the avenue this morning, feeling like hell's punishment in the cold. even in the comforts of a roof and walls, i can't seem to lower down my body heat. i feel weak. i wanna be well by tomorrow.

gridiron

2011-10-25T06:59:00.001-07:00

maybe third's time a charm.
i've been trying to publish this post since yesterday and my blog press isn't working.

we had a few hours to spare with the NFL on Sunday. the game is quite different live than on telly. i rather like it on the small screen, the clock stoppages seem less annoying in the comfort of home. i particularly miss being entertained by the lively commentary as opposed to trying to decipher the cheerleaders from the nosebleed section.

awaiting pre-game

2011-10-23T09:33:00.001-07:00

bears vs buccaneers
wembley stadium

checking twice

2011-10-23T05:00:00.001-07:00

i couldn't wait for the Christmas holidays to be over. i was just making my list for cards and presents and heaving a sigh for the sheer number of people to greet and remember during the joyous season. i keep coming up with names as i touch type this post.

but as i recall seven years ago, cards were distributed at work and were just ignored. this time we are wiser and more discriminating with our choices.

do visit tita wan's etsy site

2011-10-23T04:08:00.001-07:00

my very talented tita wan is having a big sale on her etsy site.

do visit her blog on dailyartwalk.blogspot.com
and click the link for her etsy site.

the love for good art is priceless.

analgesic

2011-10-22T15:39:00.001-07:00


a bench park --tuileries and carousel gardens (paris october 2011)

been having this headache the whole day. probably due to a 2200 viewing of Easy A without my glasses the previous night. my eyes hurt so badly, all i can do is lie in bed and close my eyes the whole day.

now kitchen chores at close to midnight. let me have the energy.

color, colour masskara

2011-10-21T09:55:00.001-07:00

the masskara festival is a month of party and fun in Bacolod during October. there are kiosks selling beer at the plaza, a sort of adventure land at the reclamation area, charter day parade with floats in competition, dance parade contests (as I remember there were two levels -- baranggay and Open categories), a Miss Bacolod beauty pageant and several other offshoot pageants. plus a lot more shows, promotional activities and parties for the sake of party. it's super enjoyable if you have the money. but hold on to your bags and purses in big crowds. it's always tough times in the Philippines. don't get too drunk.

anyways, i borrowed the photo above from my lovely friend elnora. she blogs. she owns this fantastic cafe along Lacson Street. she's very smart, top honors throughout school and life. charming and alluring.

to be friends

2011-10-20T05:06:00.001-07:00

I had this conversation with Ofie a few years ago that lasted like five seconds.

O: are we friends?
Me: yes
O: but not close friends.

Maybe not even five seconds.

But it's still at the forefront of my queries. Do we really need to classify friendship? How did we get relegated to the periphery? You know, the poor soul that is not invited to the wedding or the surprise birthday party organised by the loving spouse.

Maybe it's because one did not text, or join the group for a cup of joe or visit them at the hospital when they're having babies or drop by their houses during maternity leave.

I can understand the high school and college clique. They've known each other since they were kids. It's the hardest throng to penetrate.

But after all said and done, you just know when you're friends, you jut know.

miracles do happen

2011-10-17T20:43:00.001-07:00

this is sweet.

D2 kid's play

2011-10-17T02:35:00.000-07:00

the films from the nineties still appear fresh on tv screens. it's my old age talking. the nineties, a decade to youngins like Bo is ancient history and isn't particularly my favorite decade. while the noughties were more challenging to my emotional equipoise. the 2010's might turn out to be my lucky charm.

from the noughties, one movie i've replayed over and over on HBO Asia and VHS was D2: The Mighty Ducks or The Mighty Ducks 2. recently it was shown on Sky and brings back some sort of memories. this is more schmaltzy than the other two flicks in the series. joshua jackson as a child actor? better check out the first movie. he grew too tall for the third one. take a peek at a teenage kenan thompson. i've spent a lot of downtime with Nickelodeon during my twenties, good god. there was no cable at home when i was a teenager. no internet. even a typewriter. there were books though.

the kids in the film and how they've transformed into adulthood had been a captivating research. others climbed even greater heights. and are always on the radar. some switched careers and quit showbusiness. i watched this confection for the bubble gum and marshmallows.

whatever happened to ryden malby?

2011-10-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

Weird. Weird. Weird. The review of this movie got lost. Did I click the delete button? Or my account is hacked? Let's hope it's the former. It would be quite scary if it's the latter.

I totally forgot what I wrote yesterday. Or was it yesterday?

I bought the dvd of Post Grad, the candy-coated froth from Hollywood starring Alexis Bledel about a college graduate having difficulties finding her niche in publishing. She moved back with her parents. Blah, blah, blah. Her hottie best friend is in love with her. She got that call from publishing firm. But the movie didn't turn out the way I envisioned. I was disappointed.

This is an apt film for every bad economy which is most financial markets in the Western world. For us in RP, Post Grad is quite a basic story for every graduate.

7

2011-10-16T23:32:00.001-07:00

it's dark outside, at a few minutes past seven in the morning. that is what creepy about winter, the prolonged dusk is not good for personalities with mood pendulums. makes them bitchy. i bitch. a lot.

i've also lost messages in the phone update process. my network says i'm almost over my bandwidth limit. damn my predilections.

haven't gotten over the lost photographs especially a few of that nice view in Greece. i blame my phone's software. i also know i was daft. i should have backed up my work.

there's probably light outside. got to start on those chores.

a beach in my favorite island

2011-10-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

the island of negros.
i may have posted this photo a few times.
but what the heck, this is gorgeous.

five years

2011-10-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

Milan 2011

we're celebrating five years of marriage the whole week from tomorrow, eight years total. time is of the essence. aagh, cliche. time zooms faster than light. let's go straight to the jugular vein. i hate questions about babies and pregnancies. we try. we try. we try. the two intrauterine deaths or stillbirths still hurt. the eight-week miscarriage is even more excruciating. the undue, prolonged bleeding -- petrifying. but as i said, we can still try.

we're too poor for IVF. other than childcare aches, we're on the edge of fascinating, no less exciting, not so sublunary. we discuss a whole lot of topics. we read the papers. we read books. now we travel together. we watch sports. he accompanies me to experience the sheer torture of watching straight plays.

he cooks. i cook sometimes. we go to nando's. he knows his way around anywhere in the world. i get lost in bloody london bridge station. there are screams, definitely. and loud music. i have a lunacy against loud music, rants and gripes about the social noises. but lessons are learned.

the hugs and kisses are great!

it's not math but maths

2011-10-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

Americanisms. English English. What is the choice? Since my husband is English (just for emphasis, he doesn't like the word British, unless it's during the Olympics or Andy Murray wins the Grand Slam), do I prefer the English terms rather than my childhood Americanisms? The subject of English as a language was discussed here and here. It's a heated debate with a lot of bad blood. The opinions depend on the country of affiliation. The Philippines is into American pop-culture like it's the 52nd state in the Union. We were a colony. We are taught to breathe American air, spelling, grammar, intonation. But then Shakespeare rules ( that only refers to me). The greatest writer in the English language is English. Not American.

From my porch, all these jingoistic language debates don't really matter. It's competition between two G8 nations. It's Math in the Philippines (courtesy of our Hollywood connection). It's Maths over here. It's just the letter S. Color. Colour. It's bewildering. It's exasperating. I like long words.

cry, just cry

2011-10-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

it came to pass that the hubby updated my phone for that ios crap or whatever. i just didn't lose my music, i lost photos maybe from august this year that were not backed up. i'm terribly rubbish in backing up stuff, i know that. i don't own a proper laptop. i'm such a phone person and i shouldn't be, i blog with the phone, i google with the phone. i just don't plug my phone to the pc to charge.

so with my emotions in tatters, the list hurts -- a video from ryan's wedding gone (wasn't able to upload it on you tube or save anywhere), photos of inanimate objects from ryan's wedding gone, a gorgeous view of thessaloniki, greece gone, one of my favorite couple (hubby and i) photo together (amidst the backdrop of radiant thessaloniki weather) gone, photos from the weird indian summer during early october vanished into nothingness. technology be damned? i don't want to be like carrie bradshaw during her sad Mac issues with Aidan. but how far technology has come since the fourth season of SATC the tv series?

and speaking of lost, the original copy of the photo above irrevocably disappeared as well. i just select photos randomly plus i read a lot about wallis simpson and sometimes the rest of the windsors.

the mosaic moment

2011-10-13T08:18:00.001-07:00

in the mosaic peek for dynamic views lay-out. my photo above doesn't count. Blogger is owned by Google and i'm typing this on my phone, which is a registered trademark of Apple. two computer operating software giants don't become compatible right away.

my favourite app is the Google app on my phone followed by Blogger, then maybe Facebook. I search a lot of names, whatever takes my fancy. There was an instance I looked up Ava Gardner which lead me to Frank Sinatra and his children to Lauren Bacall and her liberal leanings.

if I have more money, I'll probably have a Mac. but since a PC is all I can afford, a PC it is, such is our fate. for all the Mac people I know; Joy, Irvs, JZ, Victoria, JP -- how I wish. my envy is irrepressible.

and my phone, which i use all the time, would continue to fly high and innovate even sans the genius of steve jobs.

it's not bland

2011-10-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

was at nando's this early evening. I don't think it's uncouth at all.

the bubble

2011-10-08T02:39:00.001-07:00

as a person who grew up in slightly above the poverty line, reading a stylist article about indulgence and consumption, jolted my perspectives into a tumble. so life is all about keeping up with the Kardashians and our Facebook friends? a reality show family as a metaphor? indeed, life is very much different amongst the middle classes in the western world.

as i read along the lines of acquiring material objects to make our lives better, i reflected during the times i've gone hungry as a child. but then i was never hungry as a nipper, my parents, despite their weaknesses in some areas of their traits provided for us, their kids, the basic food groups. what i lacked was a dollhouse and top of the line toys and barbie dolls but those were merely stuff, very superficial.

back to the present and the article; eating out three times a week, coating ourselves in designer, up-market brands, competing with Facebook friend JJ who just checked into Fortnum and Mason, pushing ourselves to counter-act, are hardly a necessity for in-depth fulfilment and happiness. of course, there are other areas of Facebook one-upmanship; career, the spouse, the number of children, the width, length, design of the house, travels, status updates. all bollocks.

pushing more pens

2011-10-06T02:52:00.001-07:00

there would always be time to write for bloggers.

after the first scene in the film the social network, the main protagonist/ antagonist mr. zuckerberg wrote a scorching blog about his ex-girlfriend, delineating her bra size and the origin of her family name. if you're in the ex-girlfriend's shoes, it wasn't the least amusing to be ridiculed in the internet, for all the world to read.

despite not using real names, there would always be a hint of the person, the subject of the piece. the individual who did us harm, the object of biting remarks, is usually described in every engaging detail. she/he could burn or get buried alive in 140 characters through twitter and Facebook status or turn into dust after the smoke has settled down through paragraphs after paragraphs in a blog platform.

is it worth it to maim someone in writing? most probably not. in my case, they deserved every word of repugnance. but it's easier for healing. anger shouldn't be sheltered without words, sometimes we need to set it free.

why couldn't everybody blog?

pins, needles

2011-10-04T08:36:00.001-07:00

watching the north London derby was such a disaster for my eyesight. probably it was the high definition tv being so near that I've been nursing these headaches ever since. the pain as usual is debilitating. i don't know what's next. maybe i'll hide under the covers for a while, for comfort.

return text

2011-10-03T08:20:00.001-07:00

it's common topic in this blog that I like people who reply to missed calls, texts and e-mails. even hanging Facebook comments, blog comments and the likes. but what is tragic is that I'm also guilty of not responding right away. if there ever any messages I've failed to answer from amongst friends and family, my heartfelt apologies. i do my best in some cases. in others, I'm too occupied toiling or maybe staring at the ceiling.

the sun hurts

2011-10-02T07:36:00.001-07:00

i was walking towards the tube station on this very sunny October and felt the pain and suffering of this kind of boiling hot temperatures. i'm all for good weather, maybe my sleepiness is due to tiredness. so i drifted off to sleep.

but oh dear, i've got to keep awake for the north London derby. its perplexing to encounter gooners in my circle. can we go through life knowing that they're gooners we simply stay away? avoid conversations, even eye contact or keeping them as Facebook friends? very possible. talk only when it's an utmost necessity. otherwise, better cool it. life would be more genial without those annoying comments.

mixed media paintings

2011-10-02T01:28:00.001-07:00

visited my tita wan's site this morning. great art.

i can't draw a straight line.
so here i am blogging.

so how is your Sunday morning?

for connoisseurs of lovely strokes and colours. do visit at www.alphashanahan.com.

scent

2011-10-01T16:56:00.001-07:00

advert.

clear page

2011-10-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

miss watermarking.
how are you doing hot October?

the tug of mosaic

2011-09-30T16:19:00.001-07:00

Indian Summer

2011-09-30T14:38:00.001-07:00

it was a very humid, hot walk. i'm no longer complaining after the fact.

30 days

2011-09-30T14:23:00.001-07:00

in September. a depleting September. I'm not really good with events. I'd rather stay at home and read. But circumstances happen and we have to abide. Maybe next month it's going to be cozy.

listening to bombo radyo

2011-09-29T10:55:00.001-07:00

I tuned in to Bombo Radyo Bacolod at like two pm, it was an hour before midnight in the Philippines. Masskara will start Monday. That's our city's festival. There would be street dancing competitions, parades, beauty pageants and all sorts of activities. Our city comes to life every October.

I don't speak Ilonggo every day. Just to hear the language, is refreshing.

re-styling blogs

2011-09-29T10:39:00.001-07:00

i actually clicked a change of templates this afternoon. dynamic views with blogger is truly pleasing to the eyes.
my blog would have looked amazing. but i thought about my side bars and the time and effort i spent to customise the templates. so, maybe next time.

but i could insert my chosen blogger blogs in the box and witness them spark in mosaic form.

my friend Joy's in Maryland:

to Ryan's prolific page:

to my tita one's artistic output:

while my mosaic is discouraging.

the photos became invincible.

the snapshot preview commenced from an older post. the newer ones are missing.

i'll re-design eventually. i'll get the timing right.

what do you mean by networking ?

2011-09-29T08:36:00.001-07:00

i love, love the social network. i know i sound like venus raj (major, major). i feel sad for the eduardo saverin (andrew garfield) character. liberties were taken by aaron sorkin who penned the screenplay. fiction when it is based on real life, laced with caustic aphorism becomes an inexorable truth. this is my favourite david fincher film. however i haven't seen Seven, which is tragic in the scheme of the universe because i don't like brad pitt, ever.

jesse eisenberg is brilliant. the kid does good work. i'll check the amazing spiderman with andrew garfield when it finally opens in cinema.

i like the geeks, the nerds who continue to innovate. because what are we going to do without Facebook in our lives?

seeing, observing

2011-09-29T00:55:00.001-07:00

i like the idea of travel, it's an act of broadening our scope and outlook. we see the stunning views. we learn. in thessaloniki, i like the furnitures in cafes, bars and restaurants. the city has a great eye for interior design. the locals are helpful. the ambiance is friendly. we could have stayed longer and done more exploring. but time is of the essence, to excavate a tiring cliche from its hiding place.

the eurozone is cheyne-stoking as it says in the news and greece is at the forefront of its ailments. when is the bailout going to happen? what is the eurozone decision? a country as efficient as germany is dilly-dallying. in other aspects, the euro is a good idea. in factors like how each nation behave and handle their money, it gets lost in translation.

indeed, with the cliches.

to decode the show off

2011-09-28T09:31:00.001-07:00

i'm not smart enough for Christopher Nolan's majestic films. despite the glorious special effects and the imaginative plot, i tend to fall asleep and scream, enough already! yeah, romcom all the way!

in Inception, there a lot of distractions -- di caprio, tom hardy, cillian murphy, what makes the ellen page character special (?), or is it alright for michael caine to play a babysitter (?), marion cotillard's accent.

the main themes of espionage, dreams, mind-numbing graphics are further enhanced by all the talk and explanations for the purpose of dialogue (?). just in case, the movie goer gets confused with the actions and sequences.

but it's virtually enjoyable, whether it's a dream within a dream or an alternate universe of good looking people who emote and infiltrate dreams for a living.

struggle to breath

2011-09-27T08:39:00.001-07:00

unlike my lovely mother, i find it hard to cope in a social situation. i'd rather channel surf and read the papers than go party. unless it's going to be with kindred spirits.

a friend.
a friend with her friends?
sometimes awkward.
my tongue gets tied.
unless she's utterly cool.

what is cool?
nice. pleasant. charming.
most of my closest friends are nice to me. that is why i attend their parties despite the situation being so compromising with their other friends.

janette would like a copy

2011-09-26T16:22:00.001-07:00

jan's creamy cupcakes.

let's look for metaphors

2011-09-25T09:18:00.001-07:00

there was no time to think during the past week. it was that busy and i'm not done. my surroundings are a mess as usual. i haven't tackled any computer work or finish my book. but i heard it's going to go back to summer in the coming days. a consolation for the coming October.

two cents

2011-09-25T04:12:00.001-07:00

it has been a week since the emmy's. no live coverage in this part of the globe as usual. the highlights shown on some far flung channel were devoid of genuine chuckles. not that Jane Lynch wasn't entertaining, she was good. definitely much much better than Ryan Seacrest. but the presenters and winners' speeches were a bit of a dud. except for Ty Burrell's best supporting actor winning speech for Modern Family. that was really funny.

it was a win for Jim Parsons for best actor in a comedy series for The Big Bang Theory. i love Sheldon Cooper character. geeks should inherit the earth and no else's. not even Michael Scott of The Office. i find dry humour dull. i peek at The US Office once in a while. for Steve Carell fans, he's a huge movie star. he doesn't need a tv award to validate his status in the industry.

Julianna Margulies, my favourite George Clooney's love interest and the only ER actor to have won an Emmy, nabbed best actress in a drama series. i may not like Alicia's choices. but i'm quite happy with this latest The Good Wife triumph. Archie Panjabi may have not won but Margo Martindale's recognition is definitely Justified.

no sense of direction

2011-09-23T12:40:00.001-07:00

goodness me. i got lost in London Bridge station this morning. i was in heels, in agony and i got lost. it's even more ironic now that Ry is easing his way out of this depot. but here i am manifesting my abstract failings. next time, hopefully i won't be this daft.

idea of fun

2011-09-23T12:00:00.001-07:00

during the riots, as reported in the newsreel, almost all the shops in Clapham were smashed and looted. except for one. Waterstone's, the ephemeral bookstore, remained untouched, standing tall one Tuesday morning.

books are not as desired as a new pair of trainers or a new mobile phone. but i practically know someone who is into reading. i'm not sure if it's showing off her credentials or she really loves to decipher the pages upon pages of paragraphs. i'm sure it's the latter. but you know sometimes reading a big book in public is akin to the ostentatious display of a new gear from JD Sports or the priceless Chanel purse.

i don't see any of my intimate friends read a book in the train. i have to find out if it's such a dorky activity for them. but i see a lot of Londoners poking their heads into a scintilla of paperbacks in the tube. that means less noise in the carriage. and in the bigger picture, peace on earth? maybe.

ask

2011-09-21T15:22:00.001-07:00

I'm yawning at this point. It's almost midnight. I still have textile in the laundry machine. I have an early day mane. That is if I can manage an early day. Hoovering is not that enticing.

Gasp, another yawn.

Those crackers (pictured above) served in a bar in Greece may have tasted bland. But it's a freebie, comes with the drinks.

reconstruct

2011-09-19T16:27:00.001-07:00

it's not going to lose me any weight, these horizontal activities. doing nothing is kind of sad honestly. i'll mend my ways.

White Tower

2011-09-18T02:54:00.001-07:00

let's read.
about history.
northern Macedonia.
Alexander the Great.

so what are you writing?

2011-09-18T02:43:00.001-07:00

is this rest day or what? after a week of work (day and night shifts) airport strolling, flying, navigating Thessaloniki in Greece in above 30 degree heat without an umbrella, watching a different breed of a sports event (more on that later) at Toumba Stadium, trying to read Greek, reading Stephen Fry, stopover in Milan, scouring the traveling crowd for a Carrie Bradshaw doppelgänger, praying for the flight not to be delayed, getting home before 2am, sleep for three hours, work for twelve hours, sleep, finish the documentation audits after I reach 10 posts or thereafter (leaving the house, taking the tube) I still have loads in my to-do list.

I better get to the bath. It's almost 11 am.

fine, you're bored

2011-09-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing I was never a fan of the premise and catch this in cinema. Because from my perspective, Eat, Pray and Love is painful to watch. Billy Crudup is reduced to ugly and spiteful. I mean, hey casting director. Billy Crudup is a hottie. How daring of you. This review is correct. Whine, Whine, Whine should have been the proper title.

I don't get the protagonist Liz' (Julia Roberts) complaints. It could have just been getting divorce and embarking on new adventures, writing and getting paid for it. Unlike us working ants.

I know too well the lure of travel, to engage in speaking fluent Italian, to soak up a new culture and achieve enlightenment.

Mostly it's for the rich and privilege. Those of us who have to work for food can't afford a gap year.

losing a post

2011-09-17T14:02:00.001-07:00

our flight back home to London from Malpensa Airport in Milan was delayed so I blogged and it got lost. was it the shit wi-fi? or just a stroke of annoying fingers? anyway i was just talking about cliques yet again. totally nonsense.

downtown

2011-09-14T08:49:00.001-07:00

the flag, not quite obscured.

silence

2011-09-13T05:19:00.001-07:00

silence. peace. quiet. serenity.
if only i could have had a few hours to myself in the past week. all i seem to be doing is work, part and parcel of the process of living. they're not extra hours. that's just the schedule.
c'est la vie.
now i'm making a list. work later.

from jan's lens

2011-09-10T17:08:00.001-07:00

there are many cool photos from r and g's do. this one is from the lovely janette. we had to trawl through the maze of soho in heels to find the reception's venue. but the event, with the confetti of tears and all the trimmings is truly well worth my ordeal. best wishes to the happy couple.

live blogging

2011-09-09T23:06:00.001-07:00

at ryan's do, wedding.
all the best, dude!

sugar sweet

2011-09-07T07:11:00.001-07:00

marriage should be a merger of intellect. ideally. that is why we crave for our beloved to read books. or indulge in the discussion of in-depth and relevant topics of the psyche and the times.

it's also sweet. like the cup of sugar used for maja blanca (above). my bloke prepared maja blanca for me, from scratch. it's like an episode of young love, sweet love. what does an English guy know about desserts containing coconuts? or the intricacies of making adobo? should be nothing. again, the power of love.

bring on the rain

2011-09-06T02:06:00.001-07:00

making the grade

2011-08-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

this is it for august, in terms of blog posts.
i've just about reached my target.
now unto the two hours snooze.

hail sheldon

2011-08-31T14:23:00.000-07:00

sheldon to priya:

"you may have gone to cambridge but i'm an honorary graduate of starfleet academy."

hope sheldon wins the nobel prize in physics.

reply to missed calls

2011-08-31T13:58:00.001-07:00

my BFF honey despite being inside the surgical theatre replied to my missed calls. i needed her expertise for a spur of the moment query. rang her the night before. but no answer. maybe it was deep into the twilight. it turned out my godson's been vomiting. still she came through. explaining every detail in the voicemail. plus work, baby, phone calls is proving too difficult to juggle. so we can ignore this post.

discrepate

2011-08-31T13:13:00.001-07:00

the 20-minute documentary on one of the esteros in manila entitled slums 101 shown on BBC news channel presents nothing shocking, to me of course, poor old third-world country girl me. yes, people in the esteros live in such stinking squalor, mr. economist. they just do. they wouldn't have to exist in such dire conditions if they would take a survey and see what keeps them from upgrading to live in a proper and legal tenement.

but it's the luck of the draw. developing countries do not have the caches of the world's top economies. we don't have state welfare in the Philippines, if you will not work, you will go hungry. if you grew up in the slums, i don't know what does it take to uproot oneself from the area; find a job, work hard, carefully plan the number of progenies.

the suggestions to combat poverty, are merely, words. a hollow collection of letters that mean nothing to the powers that be, who only remember the masses during election years. it's still a new administration. there might be hope.

back to the bronte sisters

2011-08-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

caught a film version of wuthering heights (1992) the other day starring ralph fiennes as heathcliff and juliette binoche as cathy linton and catherine earnshaw. i was enthralled for a bit. heatchcliff doesn't seem as terrifying as he is in the book. binoche meanwhile is exquisite in every character that she portrays, whether it's catherine or cathy, or as marie in dan in real life.

the latest film adaptation of my favorite book is the cary fukunaga's directed jane eyre with mia wasikowska as jane and michael fassbender as mr. rochester. it's UK opening is 9th september. hope to find some few vital cinema time or back to the dvd's.

i'd rather sleep

2011-08-31T08:34:00.000-07:00

one of my greatest dreams in this lifetime is perhaps to own a chaise lounge. i like to sleep. i don't like going to a party, knowing that you only know one person. i know, we can all meet new people. but unless they really dig deep into your topics of interest, the free bar won't even save you from the greatest ennui of your life.

searchin'

2011-08-31T06:15:00.000-07:00

questions asked.
questions answered?

distilled

2011-08-31T06:06:00.000-07:00

i'm falling short in my blog targets this year. i don't have the required energy levels required to wake up early or sleep late, do the regular job and all the chores. but i'm quite contented with the fewer entries. i'm a non-tweeter as well. talking about nothing and lunch cannot fully satiate the writing spirit.

but i share here more than i do with facebook. it's going well so far.

no worries.

one hour of telly

2011-08-31T04:13:00.000-07:00

i watched the hour because of dominic west. i missed his play butley at the west end. that would have been a gorgeous treat. i couldn't seem to sit down and book the tickets. but there's the hour, a BBC miniseries, about a current affairs program in 1956, with the backdrop of the suez crisis. the hour is the very definition of boredom. west is not the lead. he's the upper class, married cad, aiming to steal freddie lyons (ben whishaw) thunder both with the show and bel rawley (romola garai). there was a conspiracy here and there and the posh drawl seems to be the only accepted accent. but politics during the time of the cold war and the reflection on the black and white screen leaves me uninspired. the personal stories of the three main characters create some drama. but infidelity, was it or still is a common fare? although they make cigarettes look cool and it's never cool.